


Cat Whiskers

by literallyme22



Category: Phan
Genre: AU, Bullying, Dan - Freeform, Depression, Friendship, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phil - Freeform, Self Harm, howell - Freeform, lester - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-08 01:22:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4285314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literallyme22/pseuds/literallyme22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell is abused by a drunk father after his mother left. Feeling worthless and like a burden, he pushed away from his only friends; Chris, PJ, and Phil. He took to self harming which put an even bigger strain on the friendships he had. When Phil asks him to partner up for a history project, he wonders if this could be the chance to start over, maybe even tell Phil how he really feels...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is being published on this site as well as quotev and wattpad. There are talks of abuse and self harm, I promote neither, I am just using them for the purpose of a story. If there are any problems with it, please message me letting me know and I will work on it. Stay Safe loves

****Trigger Warning** ******  
**Dan's P.O.V. ******  
I woke up late, as usual, but got up anyway and made my way to the bathroom. I got dressed and decided I wouldn't have time to fix my hobbit hair. I put on my black skinny jeans and a black sweater, covering my arms. They still stung from the night before. I ignored the feeling, grabbed my bag and slipped on my Vans before my dad woke up. I quietly closed the door before taking my typical route to school. I had a good thirty minutes until school began and my walk only took about ten, so I decided to take my time and put my headphones in. Playing Muse, I made my way down the street and into hell.  
I switched out my books in my locker for the first couple periods and went the way to my first class period, math. I walked pass a group of boys, PJ, Chris, and Phil. I was friends with them once upon a time, but I just pushed myself away because I don't want to hurt any more people than necessary. So instead I distanced myself from the only people that I cared about. After I stopped hanging out with them I began to slip away from everything. I stopped noticing the bruises given to me, stopped caring about my grades, my health. I just gave up. Teachers and some other people noticed, but they soon realized I wasn't worth the effort and gave up caring about me as well.  
I made my way past the boys and into the class room as the first bell rang, signaling class to begin in five minutes. I sat next to the window in the back and took out my notebook and began drawing. I was working on a pair of eyes, familiar eyes that I wanted to forget...  
The bell rang and I looked up to notice it was the dismissal bell, I had completely ignored class, not that it was difficult, and made my way to second class, history. I have all three; PJ, Chris, and Phil, in this class and they sit next to me in the back, but we never talk. I remember last year, when we were still friends, if we had been blessed with this seating arrangement, we would have been thrilled, and they are, I just don't care. As class began, we were told we had to get into groups to work on a project about the French Revolution. I kept my head down, planning to just complete the project on my own, when someone tapped on my shoulder, I looked up, it was Phil. He looked at me with all the kindness in the world.  
"Hey Dan," he said in a soft tone, "I have a question."  
"Y-yeah...?" maybe I wouldn't have to work alone on this project, maybe I could become friends with them again, be myself again, get better...  
"Do you have a pencil I could borrow? Peej or Chris don't have one and I forgot mine." He asked. I fumbled with my bag and handed him a pencil.  
"H-here." I said, smiling weakly before returning to my notebook. I continued on the eyes, using a blue pen around the irises. I knew I was so stupid to believe that anyone would ask me to be their partner, especially not Phil. When I started...hurting myself,and he found out, he didn't take it too well. Chris texted me telling me Phil was going crazy worrying about me and that if I cared about him at all, I would stop hurting him, so I did. I stopped worrying him, by stopping being around him. Maybe that wasn't the best move for my mental health, but after the first month or so of no hanging out with them, they stopped texting, calling, talking to me, and by the looks of them, it seemed to be the smartest move I ever made. The bell rang and I slowly gathered my stuff. Preparing for my next period, Study Hall. I wandered out of the room to be stopped by Phil.  
"Here, thanks for letting me borrow it." He said with a smile, handing me the pencil. I gave a small nod. "Hey, do you have a partner for the History project? I just noticed you didn't really talk to anyone during class and was wondering if you wanted to be my partner?" I must have gone into shock or something because I was unable to answer until Phil snapped me out of my daze.  
"Don't worry, you don't have to be my partner, I just thought it would be fun to work together again. You know, like old times." I nodded, a smile at the corners of my mouth. "Great! We can make plans during lunch." He gave me a quick side hug before dashing off to class, and as I made my way to study hall, i had no doubt that a smile was there, and it felt so foreign, but so good. The day began dragging on from then, I was actually looking forward to lunch, which finally arrived after fifth period.  
Phil and I agreed to meet after school on Thursday to begin working on the project. Lunch ended and to be honest I don't know what happened after that. School just passed in a blur, Phil asked me during class, English, wondering if I was able to work on the project over the weekend and Chris and PJ sat with me in Chemistry. Overall, it was a good day, something I had been craving for so long, but was afraid to go find. Friends. With the school day ending, I made my way over to my locker to find a note on it.  
MEET ME AT THE PARK  
IF YOU DARE -P  
I smiled as I grabbed my books and closed the door. I walked out of the school and down the street. I walked for a couple minutes with my headphones in. I reached the park and saw Phil laying in the grass, soaking up the sun. I sat down next to him and looked at him for a moment, he was my best friend and I let him go. I pushed him away. I was so stupid. I looked away as he opened his eyes.  
"So you came." He said, with a sly smile.  
"Of course, why wouldn't I?" but I realized how dumb that sounded, I was, and still am, a flight risk. No one knows what I'll do or when I'll do it, but usually, no one cares.  
"I just wanted to hang out for a bit, sit outside. Be with you, I mean you are my best friend, right?" Phil asked looking at me. He still cared enough about me that he was still my friend? I was so happy I started crying and, without thinking, wrapped my arms around his neck."  
"Of course, I'm sorry." Slowly Phil too wrapped his arms around me. We sat like that until I stopped crying. After we separated, we laid down together on the grass and just talked. Talked about how life had changed from what we thought it would be when we were kids, about PJ and Chris, avoiding certain subjects. We began to feel comfortable around each other as we once were. Time passed at an increased rate when I was with Phil, before I knew it, the stars were out. I sat up with a jolt.  
"What time is it?" I said, startling Phil with my abrupt outburst.  
"Um, 9 o'clock. Why?" He asked, concern rising in his voice.  
"I have to get home, now." I said, packing up my bag and brushing myself off as I stood up.  
"Oh, I'm sorry, come on, I'll give you a ride."  
"No, no, I couldn't do that to you.."  
"I'm the one that kept you out late, come on." He said, throwing an arm around my shoulder. I went completely red, but I was covered by the darkness. We got in his car and drove to my house. It was only a two minute drive and it was filled with silence except for the radio. Phil quietly hummed along to Coldplay and as I got out of the car he grabbed my hand.  
"Be safe." Leaning over he kissed my forehead.  
"Please." I nodded, unable to say anything. As I walked up the path, I knew nothing could ruin how I felt, until I walked through the door, and realized how wrong I was.  
**Phil's P.O.V. ******  
The next morning, when I woke up, I was excited for school. It sounds strange, but I was happy to be able to talk to Dan again. I missed having him around, he was my best friend when we were younger and I was upset to have let him slip through my fingers the way he did. I knew everything wasn't going well in his family life, but he always seemed so happy around us. At least, I thought he was happy. I missed so many signs, all the signals he had given us...  
"How could you be so stupid?" I asked, looking in the mirror. I shook off the thought and finished getting dressed before heading out to my car and driving to school. I headed to my locker and went to class. Usually I talk to Chris and Peej in the morning, but I don't want to tell them what happened last night, not that anything happened. I told them I was gonna hang out with Dan after school and they got very strange, asking me where we were going, if they could go, if this counted as a date...  
I just did not want to deal with that right now, I would have to deal with it sooner or later, and I chose later. Math class began, snapping me out of my thoughts. I didn't pay attention to class and when I was called on I blurted some answer. I could hear laughter following which implied I said something incorrect, but I really didn't care. I scribbled down some notes I would need to know for the assignment, but aside from that, I didn't pay attention. The assignments was given to us and we were given some time before class was over to work on it. By the time the bell rang, I had two problems left. If I wanted to hang out with Dan tonight, I couldn't have much homework..  
I got up and walked out of the Mathematics hallway and down stairs toward the History hall. I walked to the back and sat in my desk, getting my notes out while I waited for Dan. The five minutes of transition time passed and Dan was no where in sight. PJ and Chris were giving me a hard time for not being there in the morning and wanted to know all the details about our "date".  
"So, lover boy, what happened?" Chris asked, making a show of fluttering his eyelashes whilst folding his hands under his chin and giving me a wide grin.  
"Nothing happened, and what do you mean by 'lover boy'? Dan and I are just friends." I responded, searching through the flood of people for him.  
"Well, you were just always looking at him and you were so heartbroken when he stopped hanging around us, plus when he agreed to be your partner, you looked thrilled in German and..." I hit Peej to shut him up. He grumbled something about me being on my period and resumed talking to the girl in front of him. Chris leaned over and tapped my shoulder.  
"We don't mean to kid you too hard, we are just happy to see you and Dan talking, we know what he means to you, but at the same time, we know how bad you took everything, we're just looking out for you, OK?" I gave him a small smile.  
"Thanks Chris, you really are a great friend."  
"I know." He said with a smile, pretending to flip imaginary locks over his shoulder. I continued looking for Dan. The bell rang. I guess he wasn't coming to school today, I felt my heart sink. Mr. Mason, the history teacher, told us to work with our partners on our projects, he told us to ask questions around the room before asking him, and sat down at his desk in the front of the room.  
I opened my notebook and jotted down some ideas that I would run by Dan later. I opened my laptop, like many of the other students had done, and began researching information. About ten minutes to class, the door opened. It was Dan. He handed the teacher a pink slip and made his way back to his seat. I noticed he was in the same clothes as yesterday and his hair was a curly mess. His hobbit hair, as he dubbed it, was so cute, but for some reason he hated it, and so for him to go two days in a row with it means something is up. He kept his head down as he walked and made his way to the back to sit down next to me and get out his notes.  
"Sorry I'm late, I over slept and had to walk. Do you have any idea on what you want to do the project on?" He asked, avoiding eye contact. Why was he acting so strange? What happened? Was it something I did? Was it the kiss? I mean, it didn't project anything, did it? Did I push him past his comfort zone? I just wished he would look at me so I could figure out what was wrong!  
As if hearing my thoughts he turned and looked at me. He opened his mouth but I couldn't hear anything. I was too distracted by the cut on his lip, it looked so painful and all I wanted to do was reach out and kiss it... I mean  
"What?" I said, shaking my head and looking at Dan. He quickly looked away, putting his head down.  
"I was just wondering if you picked a topic to do our report on..." He mumbled out. I felt a wave flash over me and I instantly knew he was hiding something from me, something important.  
"Are you alright, Dan?" I asked.  
"Yeah, I'm fine."  
"Are you sure, I mean, your clothes are the same as yesterday, your hair is, cute, but very hobbit-y, and your lip is split. It's OK if you tell me, I will understand. So what happened?" He sat there, dazed, wondering how to answer. I wanted to know, but I didn't want to push it with him, I mean, I just got him back, I didn't want to lose him again.  
"Well, you know me. I over slept, couldn't find my clothes, had no time for hair, and while I was running to try and make it on time, and I tripped and split my lip. I mean, I am a klutz, it's not unlikely of me to trip, plus I was running, so the chance of me getting hurt doubled." He finished up with a light laugh that I could hear the pain in; now I know he's hiding something from me. I didn't push though, I want him to come to me in his own time.  
"Oh, OK. What are you doing after school? Maybe we could work on topics or hang out some more." I suggested, wanting to spend every moment I could with him to help him realize I'm here for him.  
"Oh, um, today won't work. My dad was upset with me about not calling or texting him, he was...worried about me last night. So I kinda got grounded, but I can go out Thursday and we can work then."  
"Well I was wondering if I could at least have your number? I mean, for the project of course, and ya know, so we can hang out when you get un-grounded." I gave him a smile which he returned to me.  
"Um, sure, here, give me your hand. Do you mind if I write it in Sharpie, or would you prefer pen?" He asked uncapping his marker.  
"Sharpies fine." I said and he wrote his number on my hand, it had changed from the last time we messaged.  
When he finished I ran my hand over the number and smiled. It felt nice to know I could talk to him any time now, it felt great to know he was trusting me enough for this. The bell rang and we had nothing relating to the project done, but our friendship was growing and I think he had a real smile on his face when we walked out of the room together.  
When I arrived to English class, Dan was already sitting at his desk, he had a notebook open and he was focusing on a drawing he was doing. I walked up and watched as he drew. It was incredible, he had so much talent. He was working on a pair of lips, when he noticed I was there, he quickly pushed the book in his bag and looked up at me, embarrassed.  
"No, don't put that away, that was amazing!" I said, he still had a red tint to his checks. I smiled, he was so adorable. We stayed like that until the bell rang and I took my seat on the opposite side of the room, but I was constantly glancing over to him, and, though I must have imagined it, I could have sworn he was looking at me, too.  
**Dan's P.O.V. **Trigger Warning****  
****Not only did I walk in to class two periods late, Phil noticed, noticed everything! I should have just avoided school today, but, if I did, who knows what would have happened... I shuddered just thinking about it. I was truly terrified to go home right now, but I have no choice, I am grounded. I made my way down my street, head down, headphones in, hood up, just avoiding the world the best I could. I walked up the drive way and noticed the truck wasn't there. Maybe he isn't home....  
I walked through the door, and though the distinct smell of liquor and cigarette smoke flooded my nose, the house was empty. I quickly did my chores, and got in a quick shower. I sat on my bed to do my homework at around 7:45. He walked in about three minutes later.  
"I'm hooooooome," he shouted through the house, "Daniel James Howell, get your ass down here, now!" I walked down stairs and saw my father standing in the kitchen.  
"Y-yes sir?" I stuttered out.  
"Come over here and look at this cabinet," I walked over and he slapped his hand on my shoulder and gripped it tight, making me wince, "now tell me what is wrong with this picture?" He asked, poison in his eyes, venom dripping from his smile.  
"N-no."  
"There is a bottle missing from my liquor cabinet, and since you're the only one who was home, I'm gonna have to assume that you stole it."  
"I-i didn't steal anything," I said, falling over my words. I knew I was in for it. I didn't take anything of his, in fact he probably drank it after I came home late yesterday.  
"That is bull shit. Now I am going to give you a chance to give me the bottle back or else I'm going to use force. Which will it be?" He asked, already knowing what would happen.  
"I can't give you the bottle because I don't have it. I promise, I didn't take it."  
"You really enjoy getting your ass beat don't yo , boy? I mean, if you just stopped breaking rules and stealing my stuff and just tried being a decent excuse for a waste-of-space, I wouldn't have to teach you all these lessons!" He said twisting his hand, that was still placed on my shoulder, and pushing me down to the ground. With his other hand he grabbed my hair and pushed towards the wall. I screamed. Big mistake.  
"What was that? You think you have the right to make noise? Speak only when spoken to, you useless faggot." He said as he grabbed my face and spit in it. He pushed me back down on my stomach as he undid his belt. Oh god, not again I thought as he raised the belt in the air and slashed it down with such force. I bit back my scream and held onto my tears. Crying only made it worse. I don't know how many times he hit me, but I knew not drunk enough to hit somewhere visible again.  
"Get up. Go to your room, no supper. And I don't want to hear a sound, got it?" I nodded and he pushed me in the direction of the stairs.  
At some point I heard the door slam shut, and I made my way to the bathroom to asses the damage. There was minimal bruising on my chin and shoulder, but my back was completely red, purple, and blue. Some of the lashes were bleeding and there wasn't much I could do to fix it, so I walked back to my room and collapsed on my floor. I reached under my bed and pulled out a box. Inside was my sweet release. I grabbed the razor and sliced down my wrist, crying as I did. He's right, you are a sorry excuse for a son, you are nothing more than a waste-of-space, maybe if you cut deeper everything will be alight, kill yourself you faggot, useless, stupid, dumb ass, failure, a joke...  
I slid the razor down my arm, writing as I went, "Faggot, loser, failure, worthless". I ran out of space and switched to my other arm. No cares for what happened to me anymore because one way or another, sooner or later, I was going to be put in the ground.  
I fell over on my side and just cried as quietly as I could, I didn't know if he was home or not and I did not need him walking in on me looking like...this.  
After awhile I drifted off into a light sleep, curled into a ball on my floor, clutching my arms to my chest. I woke up when I heard my phone ring, it was my alarm and I was honestly surprised I woke to hear it. I sat up and cringed from the sting in my new cuts. I stood up and walked over to my phone to turn off the annoying buzz, when I see I have a message from Phil.  
_-Hey, it's Phil, sorry to send this so late, busy with my family. I hope you're doing OK, if you need anything, don't hesitate to text me, call me, whatever, I will always be there for you. :)- _1:45 AM was when it was sent.__  
I still couldn't believe he wanted to be my friend, after all I put his through, after all I'm still putting him through. I looked at my phone again to check the time and decided there would be no point in going back to sleep, so I just got ready instead. I put on my black jeans, a black long sleeved shirt, threw a hoodie on for good measure, and even had time to straighten my hair.  
I grabbed my vans and walked out the door. It was raining so I put my hood up and made my way to school , when a thought struck me. It's Thursday. I get to hang out with Phil tonight. And with a positive thought, I put my head phones in and listened to Green Day as I made my way to school.

 **Phil's P.O.V. ******  
I walked to my locker and saw Peej and Chris waiting for me. I should have known I wouldn't have gotten off as easy as I did without telling them there was nothing between Dan and me.  
"So?" Peej asked.  
"So what?" I asked back, getting my books out of my locker.  
"I saw Dan write something on you yesterday and we want to see it!" Chris said enthusiastically.  
"My God you guys, it's nothing really. I just got his phone number so we can work on the project together and.."  
"You got his number?!?!" They said, almost in sync and drawing a bit of attention towards our little gathering.  
"Yes, now keep your voices down!" I said, trying to keep my head.  
"Are you guys going on a date any time soon?" PJ asked  
"Will we be 'earing wedding bells any time soon?" Chris added  
"Guys, calm down, it's nothing."  
"Oh man up Lester, you've liked Dan since grade school." PJ said, Chris nodding dramatically.  
"He's just my best friend, at least, I think he is. Let's take it one moment at a time. OK?" I asked  
"OK, but only if you admit that you 'ave feelings for 'im." Chris intoned  
"OK! Fine, I like him. I mean, how could I not? He has been my best friend for how long? But regardless of my feelings, I want Dan as a friend and if that means I suffer in silence, that's alright. Got it?" I said, eyeing them down. They each nodded, giant smiles on their faces. God my friends were strange, but that's why I loved them. I looked up as they were nodding to notice a certain brown haired boy walking down the language hall. I hope he didn't just hear what I said.

**Dan's P.O.V. ******  
_Phil Lester likes me? No I must've heard it wrong, because even if he did like guys, why would he be interested in me? But he did say that it was his best friend and didn't he tell me we were still best friends? Yeah, but I left, it must be who he had to replace me. Why did he mention my name? He obviously feels bad for me and just wants to make sure I don't feel left out, so he's gonna wait to be happy, for me.  
God, this day was not going fast enough...._


	2. Chapter 2

**Phil’s P.O.V.**Trigger Warning** __ ******  
I watched as Dan made his way down the language hall, most likely heading to French if I recall correctly. It didn’t matter so much as to where he was going, but what he heard. If he heard what I said about him, it could totally destroy any remaining friendship we had. I just got him back and I have made no plans on losing him again.  
Chris was looking at me, he seemed worried, but I didn’t have time to ask him if everything was okay because the bell was ringing signaling us to go to class.  
I climbed up to the third level to the Mathematics hallway, the nice thing about our school is everything is divided into sections and hallways so everyone can get around easier. There is the Language hall where all the foreign languages are taught as well as the English courses. The History hall, with all the history classes, both of these halls are held on the second floor. There is the Mathematics hallway, where all the Math’s classes are held. Art hall contains every piece of art submitted to its program plastered to the walls and lined up in shelves as well as its class room. These two halls are on the third floor, as well as the Religion hall, which contains classes about different world religions. The first floor is where the theater, auditorium, gym, and cafeteria are. It is also home to the science classrooms. They have been moved to the lower levels so that if something goes wrong, there is easy access to the emergency exits.  
As I walked into Advanced Geometry, I was one of the first people in there, like normal. I made my way to my desk, next to the window on the good side of the teacher. There were some problems on the board we were meant to solve in review for our upcoming test, but when we were finished we just had to work on our review packets. I solved three of the five before the bell rang and was done in no time. The teacher, Ms. Roberts, checked my work and gave my shoulder a squeeze.  
“Very good, Phillip, I think you are going to ace this test.” She said before walking away to help another student.  
I wouldn’t consider myself a teacher’s pet, but I am a good student so it tends to make up for when I don’t pay attention in class or mess around. And Ms. Roberts was a nice teacher anyway. She was young, defiantly pretty, but also very kind. She has really helped me take a liking to math over the year.  
I pulled out my packet and began working on the problems. Every couple of seconds I would look up at the clock. Time was moving so slow.  
I tried to focus on my packet, I did want to do well on this test, but I also really wanted to hang out with Dan and it wouldn’t work out well if I was worried about all my homework. I had three problems left on my packet; I could finish them in either homeroom or study hall, when the bell rang. I pushed everything into my bag and rushed towards the door. I was almost out when Ms. Roberts stopped me.  
“In a rush are we? I thought class went rather well today.” She said with a light chuckle.  
“Oh yeah, I’ve just got a project I need to work on next period, sorry for seeming rude.”  
“Not at all dear, you’re fine. But Phil, be careful, alright? I’ve seen how you have been acting lately, and I am worried. If you ever need anything, I’m here to listen, even if it’s just to schedule something with the consular or nurse.”  
“Thank you Ms. Roberts. I will keep that in mind.” And with that I was out the door and down the nearest flight of stairs to my history class. I pushed past so many people, some said rude things, but I didn’t care.  
I was the first to class and even Mr. Jackson was surprised. I moved back to my desk and sat down. I got out my laptop and waited for everyone to file in. A body dressed in black moved past me and saw in the empty desk. I knew it was Dan. I turned to look at him.  
“Hey.” I said, happy to see him again.  
“Hi.” He said, and it sounded a little broken.  
“Is everything okay?” I asked looking him over. He was covered in nothing but black clothes, that was nothing new, but everything was covered. He was wearing a long sleeve shirt and jacket over that.  
Oh no.  
“Yeah everything is fine.” He said.  
“Dan?”  
“Yes, Phil?”  
“Did something happen last night? I mean, are you sure everything is fine?”  
“Yeah, it’s good.”  
“Dan, I’m serious.”  
“We really don’t need to do this here and now, okay.”  
“Fine, but I just want to make sure you are going to be okay.” I said, realizing I probably crossed a line, but he was my friend and I am worried.  
“Okay.”  
We worked for a little bit in silence. Peej and Chris must have seen this because they were trying to get my attention.  
“What do you want?” I asked, a little annoyance hinting in my tone.  
“We were wondering how lover boy was doing. So, lover boy, how are you?” PJ asked and I shot him a look that could kill.  
“He’s kidding, actually we were wondering if you and Dan wanted to join us for a little party this weekend? My parents are out of town and they said I could invite you lot over. We were going to order Chinese, watch Buffy, hangout. Afterwards you could spend the night.” Chris stepped in, saving his friends ass.  
“For Sarah Michelle Gellar, I would do anything; even hang out with you nerds. I’ll check with Dan.”  
I turned to Dan who had his laptop open; he was doing research on the topic we picked, music through the ages. It was a topic we both enjoyed and no one had taken it because most were doing royalty or war.  
“Hey Dan?”  
“I told you I don’t want to talk about it right now.”  
“No, I was going to ask if you wanted to hang out at Chris’s house Friday.” It looked like I took him by surprise, but when he turned to me he looked like he was worried about something.  
“That sounds really nice, but I don’t think I will be able to go. My dad, he’s really strict.”  
“You could say it is for a school project!” Mentioned PJ who was listening to the whole thing.  
“Yeah! A school project.” Intoned Chris.  
“We could actually work on the project.” I mentioned.  
“Okay. I will talk to my father about it.” He said and it gained him a round of cheers from Chris and Peej.  
I gave him a silent apology. We worked again, with a light banter to us, but we both knew we would talk about what was going on eventually.  
The bell rang and we got up.  
“I will work on this during study hall.”  
“Okay, are we still on for tonight?” he paused, unsure.  
“If you want to, of course.” He said it in a way that it didn’t sound like he was being forced to hang out, but more of he felt like a burden.  
“Of course. Meet me in the lobby after school, we can head to my place or yours or…”  
“We can talk about it at lunch.”  
“Sure.” I walked with him till we got to the Language Hall. “See yah in English.”  
“See yah.”  
The day passed by in a manner of time that was neither fast nor slow, but doable. When I next saw Dan, it was in English and we were finishing up, “A Tale of Two Cities”. I kept glancing at him, and I thought I saw him doing the same. We sat next to each other at lunch. I noticed he didn’t bring a lunch and wasn’t going in line to get one. When I asked him about it he just said he wasn’t too hungry.  
When it finally got to the end of the day I could barely focus. I was so glad it was a study hall. I finished my math packet to the best I could and started counting down the minutes. When the bell rang I gathered up my things and went to my locker. I switched out my books and grabbed my jacket. I walked to the lobby and waited for Dan. He came out about two minutes later.  
“Hey, ready?” I asked. He nodded and followed me to my car. He seemed kind of worried, but didn’t say anything.  
“Where to?” I asked.  
“Would your place work? I didn’t check with my dad about having guests over and…” he trailed off, I was really worried. Every time someone mentioned his dad he got like this and I was started to suspect foul play was involved, but I wanted him to tell me.  
“Yeah, that works.” I started the car and drove the 4 miles it takes to get to my house. In the car the song “Dead Inside” by Muse came on and I turned it up. Dan and I jammed out in the car and as we pulled up he said,  
“God, I love Muse!”  
“Yeah, me too. C’mon, let’s go inside. What do you like on your pizza?”  
”What?” Dan asked, confused.  
“Pizza, I make a great pizza and I wanted to know what you like on yours so I could make you one.”  
“Oh, I like cheese on pizza.”  
We walked into the house and I showed Dan the place to set his bag down.  
”Do you want me to get started on the pizza now or later?” I asked, putting my own bag on the counter.  
“Oh, no, it’s fine. I’m not really hungry” but as if on cue, his stomach growled, proving him wrong.  
“Yeah, you’re not hungry. So, I will start the pizza and then we can work on the project…or we could just talk.”  
“Sure.” Dan said, looking around the kitchen. He motioned at a bar stool, as if to ask ‘Can I sit here?’ and I nodded. Sitting down, Dan removed his jacket, but held it close to himself.  
I got out all the stuff to make the pizzas when Dan spoke up.  
“Could I help?”  
“Yeah, sure. Come over here.” He set his jacket down and walked over.  
“What do you want me to do?”  
“Well, the oven has already been turned on, now we just have to assemble the pies.”  
“Alright.” He got straight to work, but as I looked over, his sleeves were still pushed down and my suspicions were almost confirmed.  
I saw how tense he was acting around me, so I try to add a little atmosphere. I turned on the stereo and played some Green Day.  
I walked back over and saw Dan dancing. He was singing along to the song, though very quietly. I had a very strong urge to go over and hug him. Instead, I walked over, picked him up, and began carrying him around the house. I slung him over my shoulder and brought him into the living room. Setting him on the ground, I took him hands, they were warm and wonderful, and began dancing with him like when we were younger.  
He seemed to be enjoying it, actually enjoying it. We were laughing and singing along to the music in the background, songs faded into one another, at some point the oven beeped indicating it was ready. I stopped dancing and slung my arm around him, apologizing for picking him up.  
We walked back in the kitchen and I had to try not and hold his hand. We finished the process of making out pizzas and put them in the oven. 15 minutes later we were eating. Though Dan didn’t eat anything at lunch, he didn’t eat much of the pizza. At first I was a little offended, but then something clicked. If his father was abusing him, maybe he wasn’t feeding him either? I was suddenly so upset because Dan deserves nothing but love. I internally calmed myself, reminding myself it was neither confirmed nor denied yet.  
When I finished Dan grabbed my plate and his and brought them into the kitchen. I followed him in and grabbed our bags.  
“Don’t worry, I’ll get them later. Let’s go work on the project before you’ve got to leave.” I said. He nodded and walked with me to my room. I set the bags down and got out my laptop. Dan had emailed me what he had so far, and by the looks of it, it was almost done.  
“Dan, this project isn’t due until next week; you didn’t have to do all this.” I said as he got out his own laptop.  
“I’m sorry; I must’ve got carried away while I worked on it.”  
“No, this is perfect, we have three more work days, and we can finish it then and hang out now!” He smiled.  
“Okay. What do you want to do?”  
“I don’t know, I’m kind of tired from dancing,” I said as I flopped back on my bed.  
“Me too,”  
Dan and I sat for a bit. I felt him shaking and sat up, he was crying.  
“What’s wrong? Dan? Are you okay?” I asked worried  
“It’s just been so long since we’ve just sat like we have the past couple days. So long since we were friends, and I am so sorry…” he let out between sobs.  
I held him in my arms, stroking his hair, and saying soothing things. He reluctantly wrapped his arms around my waist and let out a heart breaking cry.  
“I am so sorry Dan, I am truly sorry for not reaching out.” I held him tighter and tighter.  
“Phil, I’m sorry about last night.”  
“Last night? My text? You didn’t have to respond, don’t feel bad.”  
“No, last night I hurt myself and I know I hurt you every time I do and I’m just so sorry about this.”  
I swear I have never held someone as close as I did with Dan; I wanted nothing more than to help him.  
“It’s okay; it’s going to be okay. I promise.”  
We sat like that for a while and when we did separate, I grabbed Dan’s hand and lead him to the bathroom. I gently pulled up his sleeves and began to clean and bandage his wounds. I felt so terrible for not helping him with this. He must have felt so alone… That ends today. I will be here for him till the day I die.  
“Phil?” He croaked up, voice sounding dry.  
“Yes Dan?”  
“There is something else I need to tell you.”  
“What is it?”  
“I need you to not get upset with me for not telling you this, okay?” I nodded. “Well, when my mom died, my dad changed.”  
Oh no, I was right  
“At first it was just saying things, really hurtful things, but then he began…hurting me. I didn’t know who to tell. We were just kids, what could we do? I held it in, and I’ve kept it in for 7 years and I don’t know what I’m going to do know when I go home.”  
I held him again.  
“You don’t have to go home, I can tell my parents, I can get you a room here. We can stop this now, we aren’t just kids anymore. I can help this all stop.”  
“No, I can’t leave. He would kill me.”  
“He wouldn’t be able to kill you because I wouldn’t let him ever touch you again.”  
“Phil, he would kill you and then make me live with it and I…”  
“Dan, I don’t want you going back into that house, he will hurt you. I will talk to my parents.”  
“Phil,”  
“Dan, he is dangerous.”  
“He’s my father.”  
“What father would hurt their only child?”  
He stopped.  
“I couldn’t just live with you, that would be over stepping, I would be taking up space and it’s not fair to your family.”  
“Dan, my sister moved out for college, we have room, besides they love you.”  
He stopped moving, he stood in the middle of the hallway, waiting for something, his father?  
“Dan, can you show me where he hurt you?” asked my mother. Dan reluctantly lifted up his shirt to reveal dark bruises and light bruises and it took everything in me not to cry.  
“How long has he been doing this to you?” my mom asked as he pulled it back down.  
He looked at me. Since my mom came home he hasn’t talked.  
“7 years.” I was speaking for him. He looked down at the ground.  
She reached her arms around him and held hugged him gently.  
“We will put an end to this. What time does he get home?”  
“He isn’t home; tonight he works the night shift.” I said.  
“Okay, well, we are going to get in the car, stop at your house, grab your stuff and then go file a police report.”  
“Can we wait on the report?” Dan asked his voice cracking.  
“We can, if you want, but you are not allowed over there after this.”  
He nodded. She grabbed her keys and I grabbed him. I sat in the back of the car with my arm around him. When we got there, the lights were off, a good sign. My mom waited in the car as we went inside. We walked back to his room and we began putting all his things in a suitcase. He went into the bathroom to grab some things when I found a box on the floor by the bed. Inside were some razor blades and a note.  
If you find this, I guess I’m dead. Oh well.  
I set the box down. Dan came back in and saw me. Wrapping his arms around me, he apologized again.  
“You don’t have to apologize, I am the one who is sorry, I shouldn’t have let you go.”  
We finished packing his things and headed back to the car. Getting in, my mom began to drive away. When we got back to my house we set Dan’s things in my room. I didn’t want him to be alone for a day or two, I was just too worried.  
I sat Dan on my bed and grabbed my laptop. We agreed on some random movie and sat watching it together. Dan fell asleep in my arms and as I put the laptop down and pulled the covers onto us, I kissed him on the forehead.  
“I won’t let anything in this world hurt you ever again.” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for how long it took me to update and for any problems there have been with inconstant details on certain aspects of the story. I am going through to fix some of the names and such. I wrote the beginning awhile ago and forgot some parts. I hope you enjoy this update, feel free to leave a comment. I love you guys be safe xx

**Dan’s P.O.V. ******  
“I won’t let anything in this world hurt you ever again.”  
That’s what Phil said before I fell into the dark void of sleep that haunts my nights. I never really dream, but when I do its nightmares. My father chasing me, hurting me, killing me. They were never very far off from reality in a sense, he did chase me around the house and hurt me, but he has never gone as far as killing me. If they’re not about him, they usually just involve me drowning in the darkness. There is nothing around me, just black, for miles and miles. It holds me tight, and sometimes I wonder if it is all bad. The darkness doesn’t truly feel unsafe, it just feels.   
Tonight was different. I wasn’t running for my life, I wasn’t being hurt, and there was no darkness. Only light and Phil’s arms wrapped tight around me. I couldn’t tell if it was all a dream because when I woke up, Phil’s arms really were around me.  
I tried not to move as I remembered the events from the day before. Phil had picked me and put me back together; his family had taken me out of my father’s care and taken me in. My father would most likely be home by now; he probably wouldn’t have noticed I was missing. But tonight, when I didn’t make it home and there is no one there to make him dinner, he will notice. He will call my phone, yell at the top of his lungs, and then drive around the neighborhood. He won’t be able to find me though because he has no idea where Phil lives or even who Phil is. If he does, all he will remember is a gang of little boys running around the yard, he won’t remember which one was Phil.  
I looked towards Phil’s nightstand and saw a clock, it was 6:15. If I lived by a schedule that I actually followed, this was the time I would regularly get up at. I turned in Phil’s arms so I was facing him. He looked so peaceful while he slept, I didn’t want to ruin anything, but when his alarm went off five minutes later, I didn’t have to. Slowly, he began to open his eyes. For a moment he had a confused look in his blue eyes, but they quickly relaxed into something kinder.  
“Good morning,” he said, voice husky and tired sounding.  
“Morning,” I replied, voice sounding small.   
“Do we really have to get out of bed; I am rather content staying here all day.” He said, smiling as he closed his eyes and buried himself deeper into the bed.  
“We have to go to school.” I said.  
“You’re no fun,” he said, laughing a bit, “How are you feeling?” concern in his voice.  
“I’m fine,” I was easy to see through, but I hoped he wouldn’t notice.  
“Dan?” He noticed.   
“I swear.”  
“You don’t have to tell me the exact thoughts going through your head, but I just want you to let me know if you feel bad, like bad.”  
“I will tell you, don’t worry.” I didn’t feel like doing anything to myself, it was more of what my father was going to do when he found out I was gone.   
“Alright, let’s get ready than. Oh, I almost forgot, it’s Friday. Chris and Peej’s party is tonight! It’s going to be so much fun. We can ask my mom and stay over and watch movies and,” he paused, looking at me, “we don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”  
“Why wouldn’t I want to go? I mean, it would be a great distraction and we would be able to hang out all together once more. It will be lots of fun.”  
“Right, let’s get ready and head down to breakfast. Do you want the bathroom first?”   
“No, you can go first; I’ll change in your room.” I said, sitting up and turning to grab my bag filled with clothes.  
“We have to switch your wraps first,” he said quickly, “we don’t want you to get an infection. Grab your clothes, get dressed, when you’re done, head to the bathroom and I will clean them up.”  
“Phil, I am not a child, I can do it.”  
“I won’t be happy with it unless I do it myself, so hurry and get ready, I will be waiting.”  
I simply nodded, smiling at him. He left the room and I quickly got changed into a black sweater, skinny jeans and my Vans. I picked up my clothes and threw them in my bag. I walked out of his room and into the bathroom. As I opened the door, it dawned on me that I should’ve knocked because in the mirror was Phil Lester, taking off his shirt to expose his pale, and very fit self. Turning to look at me with a smile, he seemed unaware of his bare chest that led down and  
I stopped myself from thinking anything further than that.   
“Good, you listened; I was worried I was going to have to drag you in here myself.” He said finishing putting his clothes on, “Sit on the toilet and I will grab the kit.”   
I did as I was told and waited for him to come back in, trying to calm my thoughts. I was so focused, I didn’t notice he had done anything until he looked up with a smile and said, “All finished, now let’s go down for breakfast.”  
We walked down the stairs, he held onto my hand and I don’t know if it was to make sure I was following or if it was just to hold my hand, I really didn’t care I just didn’t want him to let go. But he did when we reached the kitchen and his mom looked up at us. She greeted up with a smile and a cup of tea each.   
“I put two spoonfuls’ of sugar in each cup; I hope that’s a good amount Dan sweetie?”  
“That’s perfect.” I said and as I took a sip, it truly was. It was warm and sweet and amazing.   
She had prepared us some eggs and bacon and toast and pancakes and set out syrup and jam and butter and everything one could imagine. I followed Phil across the kitchen to the little table and sat down across from him. We began to eat and we were soon joined by his mother.   
“Thank you so much for cooking, Mrs. Lester.” I said between bites of toast.  
“Dear, call me Lily.”  
“Oh, I’m sorry, thank you Lily.”   
“It’s quite all right dear, you don’t need to apologize to me. You two better hurry, otherwise you may be late to school.”  
“Alright mum, before we leave, I need to ask. Can we go out to Chris’ house for a little get together with him and PJ? It’s after school and we would just stay the night and come home tomorrow.”  
“Are you okay with this Dan? Or is he just dragging you along?”  
“No, I am good with this.” I nodded.   
“Well, if you two are up to it, I don’t see why not. Have fun and be safe. Call if you need anything. Now you must go, I let you sleep in; you’re going to be late.”   
“Okay, we’re leaving, love you mum. I’ll talk to you later.” Phil said, leaning over the table to kiss her on the cheek.   
I stood and gave her a hug and thanked her again for cooking.  
“Don’t worry dear, we love you and will always take care of you.” She gave me a kiss on the forehead and I gave her a smile, a real one. As I grabbed my bag, she stopped Phil to have him quickly pick up some plates. I saw her lean over and whisper something into his ear. She glanced at me when she finished and smiled. I began to worry I was over stepping and that I needed to leave.  
“I’ll grab your stuff, Phil.”  
“Okay, I will be right out if you wanna meet me in the car?”  
I nodded, grabbed his bag and went out to his car. As I got in I realized I forgot my clothes for tonight, I ran back into the house and was nose to nose with Phil.  
We both stepped back, and I could feel my cheeks turning red.  
“Sorry, I just forgot my bag of clothes for tonight.”  
“Don’t worry about it, I got you,” Phil said, holding up two bags, “Let’s go.”  
We walked to the car and got in. I felt sick, what if she was telling him I needed to leave? I have nowhere to go, what am I going to do?  
“Hey, are you alright? Dan? Daniel?!?” Phil was asking.  
“What?! I’m sorry, what?”   
“Are you alright? I’ve been trying to talk to you for ages. What’s on your mind?”  
“No, it’s nothing, I’m just thinking…long-term.”  
“Long-term?”   
“Yeah, I can’t stay in your house forever. After a couple days I’m gonna need to find somewhere new to go. I can’t continue to inconvenience your family any longer. I said, trying to cover the shake in my voice.  
“Dan, you are not an inconvenience on our household. You don’t need to leave after a couple days, hell; my mum is chill with you staying here for the rest of your life!”  
“No, no, it’s rude of me to do this to everyone.”  
“It’s just me and mum. My sister moved out and my dad is long gone. We like having you in the house. Where is all this coming from?”  
“It’s not coming from anywhere; I just don’t want to have to put your family through anything else. I will figure something out. I will be okay.”  
“Dan, I just got you back in my life, I am NOT going to lose you because you have to move into some foster care home a million miles away. My mum wants you to be safe; she wants to take care of you.”  
“Phil, I’m sorry. It’s just; I saw her talking with you. She looked at me and I just feel like such a burden on everyone lately and I don’t want to be a burden on her too.”  
“What? When she was talking to me, it was about you, but about how little you were eating lately. This has nothing to do with your living arrangements because as far as we’re all concerned, you live with us.”  
I stopped for a moment; she was just concerned about me…  
“I’m sorry.” Phil pulled into a parking spot, killed the ignition and leaned over to pull me into a hug.  
“There is nothing you need to apologize for.”  
We separated and got out of the car. We walked next to each other, as close as could be.   
From then on, the day went relatively well. The sub in math gave us an extra day to do our homework, Phil and I finished our project, and I was able to do the small amount of reading for English before class started. Lunch was fun and I was beginning to relax. When school ended, we all went over to Chris’ house.   
We ordered the food and PJ and Phil made a quick run to the store to get some soda and snacks. Sitting with Chris was nice. We were talking about random things when he turned to face me head on.   
“Dan, don’t take this in a negative way, but what are your intentions with Phil?”  
I was a bit taken aback by this.   
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean, are you friends or are you something more? Because I’ve seen the way you look at him and if you heard how he talked about you, you would know what I mean. I just want to know what is going on so I don’t say anything I shouldn’t.”  
I was still confused, but not about what he meant, more of how I felt.   
“Well, I guess we’re friends and it will stay that way, but I really like him. More than I thought I could like anyone or anything on this planet. I want to tell him, believe me Chris; I want to tell him, I just don’t want to push him. He’s doing so much for me right now, and besides, I just got him back, I don’t want to risk that.”  
Chris sat there as I explained what happened last night and the last couple years and how terrible I felt and when I finished he pulled me into a warm embrace.  
Tears welling up in both our eyes, he told me he was sorry for not being there and promised to help me with Phil. When we pulled apart we heard the front door open and quickly paused the T.V.  
PJ walked over to us, looked at Chris who nodded, and crouched down to hug me.   
“I’m sorry Dan, he told me.” I knew what he meant. “Don’t be mad, I made him tell me.” I wasn’t mad, it was nice having a support system, and besides, I understood completely that Phil needed to tell them. It was hard for everyone involved; we all needed someone to talk to.   
Wiping away some tears, we all gathered into the living room. We had piles of candies and crisps and popcorn and mountains of blankets and pillows and when the food arrived we were already in our pyjamas. We divided up the food and sat down on the couches. Chris has his feet on PJ’s lap and PJ was next to Phil. I sat on the other side of Phil and as we all finished our food he put his arm around me. I leaned into him. I don’t remember what was going on in the show, I laughed when everyone laughed, gasped with everyone, but I don’t recall any of it. But I do remember how Phil felt against my skin. How he felt warm and comforting, I felt electricity being sent through my body as he gently tapped his fingers against my arms. With my head in the crook of his neck, I could take in the smell of him-sunshine on grass and a hint of the clean linen detergent his mum uses. I slipped my arm behind his back and held his waist, pulling me closer. When I built up my confidence, I slid my hand into his. It felt nice and warm and protective. I stole a look at him and he was smiling down at me. He bent his neck down and kissed my forehead, this time I couldn’t mistake it for a dream, it was real. I cuddled into him more, not wanting this to end. I began to doze off sometime in perfect happiness.   
I don’t know how long I was out, but it was around 3 A.M. when Chris turned off the show, turned on the lights and yelled,  
“Who’s ready for truth or dare?” 


	5. Chapter 5

Phil’s P.O.V.  
Chris and PJ both knew and it made things easier, in a way. They were my best friends as well and it was hard keeping things from them, especially secrets this big and important. Don’t get me wrong, I never intended to tell Peej without Dan’s permission, but in the car he just asked me if everything was alright and I broke down.   
I was kind of relieved to find out that Dan told Chris, I couldn’t tell him. I didn’t want to tell them without Dan’s consent, and I felt pretty bad about letting it slip with PJ.   
With everyone in our friend group knowing the truth, we all knew what we had to do. PJ, Chris, and I shared a look; we were going to protect Dan no matter what it took.   
We put all the snacks into bowls and got into our pyjamas. Food arrived about five minutes later and we all gathered around and ate. I was next to Peej and Dan. He didn’t eat much again, the others noticed too. We exchanged concern glances, and I get up to go put the plates in the kitchen. Chris follows.   
“Is he alright?” Chris asks.  
“Honestly, I haven’t seen him eat much anything and I am really worried.”  
“Okay, we will talk with him about it later, for now we need to get back in there.”  
I nodded and walked back into the room. I stopped when I crossed the threshold and saw Dan sitting there, looking as perfect as ever. His brown hair was covering his eyes and he had his arms wrapped around his knees. He looked like he was trying to hold himself together and it broke my heart. I sat on the couch and wrapped my arm around him. At first I felt him stiffen and then he began to relax into my arm. We watched Buffy for a bit when I felt his arm slide behind me and begin to pull me close to him. I couldn’t help but smile. And when he put his hand in mine! Oh, I felt such a surge of electricity.   
I bent down and kissed his forehead, he smelled sweet and felt soft and I never wanted to let go. He fell asleep in my arms and I wanted him to always be there.   
I was beginning to fall asleep as well when Chris decided to do something.   
Tuning off the show, he jumped up, turned on the lights and yelled,  
“Who’s ready for truth or dare?”  
“What time is it?” asked Peej, rolling so his face was in the couch.  
“Probably like 3 in the morning!” exclaimed Chris, “Come on, get up.” He said, jumping onto PJ and squeezing him.   
“I’m up, I’m up! Just don’t do it!” he begged from under Chris.  
“Don’t do what?” he asked, faking innocence, “Don’t do this?!” he asked, beginning to tickle him. PJ broke out laughing, and in between each laugh he pleaded for it to stop.  
I turned my attention towards Dan, he wasn’t sleeping, but his eyes were closed.   
“Hey, Dan, do you wanna play? If you don’t, I can always move you into Chris’ room. He’ll understand.” I was trying to be gentle as I stirred him.  
He opened his eyes and looked at me. His eyes were so beautiful, I just want to look at him and take him all in.  
“I can play.” He said his voice husky from sleep. I smiled down at him. Sitting up, we all moved onto the floor when Chris stopped mercilessly tickling PJ.  
“Okay, who is going first?” Chris asked.  
“Why don’t you start?” I suggested.  
“Alright, Phil, truth or dare?”  
“Dare.”  
“I dare you to draw on your face with a Sharpie.” He said as he got up to get me the pen.  
“Fine, but what would I even draw?”   
“Ask the group.” He suggested.  
“A potato,” cried Peej, “What? I’m hungry.” He said shrugging.  
“Nah, that’s dumb, how about a lion?” I said.  
“That’s even worse than his idea!” interjected Chris, “Dan, why don’t you suggest something?”  
“Well, how about cat whiskers?” He said and a pause fell on the room, “I mean, or not…”  
“No, that’s a brilliant idea,” I said.  
“It really is,” Chris and PJ agreed.  
“We should all do that!” I shouted. “And we can call ourselves the ‘Kool Katz’.”  
“You know, that’s not a bad idea. The name is terrible, but our group having one isn’t. Phil! You genius! All we need is a better name. What should we call ourselves?”  
“It should be a group of 4, is there any group with four members in it?” Peej asked.  
“Well, our group of course.” Chris said, “But most T.V. shows and movies have a cast of three lead characters.”  
“If you don’t mind my suggestion, we could go along the lines of the Fantastic Foursome.” Mentioned Dan.  
“Oh my, Dan you are the genius of the group!” Chris said.  
“What am I?” I asked, acting hurt and broken.  
“You can be the cute one.” Chris said and I could’ve sworn I heard Dan say something under his breath. I felt my cheeks get red.  
“Aren’t we supposed to be drawing whiskers on ourselves?” Peej added in to the conversation.  
“Yeah, Dan, do me up. I mean cat whisker me up; I mean…will you just draw them on my face?”  
He nodded. Taking the marker from Chris, he moved to face me and began drawing on me.   
“Where did this idea come from?” I asked my voice low and weak, His hand was on my cheek, gently sweeping his fingers across my face.  
“Well,” he started, “the cat whiskers, they come from within. I mean, I would rather cat whiskers be a sign of strength than a cape because it’s better to land on your feet when you fall than to always fly high.”  
“That’s beautiful, you’re beautiful.” I said it low so only he could hear it, he stopped.   
“What?” he asked looking at me so intense I could barely breathe.   
“You, it’s just, you are so beautiful, and I just want you.”  
I was staring at him, but I could hear Chris and PJ leave the room. I grabbed Dan’s hand from my cheek and held it in my own.   
“You don’t want me, I hurt you, and I make your life a living hell.” His voice was breaking apart.  
“Trust me, Dan, I love you. You are my best friend. You have been my best friend for as long as I can remember and I don’t want you to just be my friend anymore.” I wanted to lean in; I wanted to press my lips against his. But something stopped me.   
I looked at him and wanted to protect him from all the pain this world had caused him. I wrapped my arms around him and held him.   
“I’m sorry Phil, I am so sorry.” He whispered in my ear.  
“Why are you apologizing to me?”  
“Because I can never be good enough for you. Maybe right now I am what you want, but I can never be what you need. I am a mess; I will screw up so bad one of these days…I won’t hurt you again.”  
We stopped. I felt myself give in to everything and I began to cry too. We sat on the floor, in each other’s arms as silent tears streaked down both our faces.   
I pulled away from the hug and looked at him, this broken soul in front of me, and understood something. Maybe he was right, maybe in a few years I won’t love him the way I do now. But what I see is, I will only love him more. I have loved him my whole life; I will love him for the rest of it. And I refuse to let him become so alone in this world again.  
I saw myself, as if just watching the whole experience rather than living it, lean in and kiss Dan. I saw Dan kiss me back, and then I felt it.  
At first we were both clumsy and stumbling over each other’s mouths and we clueless in how to pull ourselves closer. He had one arm around my neck and his other hand was pushing itself through my hair. I was holding Dan in my lap and bring him as close to my boy as I could get him.  
I pulled back and for a moment Dan looked like he was at peace in the world and then he opened his eyes and was filled with terror.   
He slid off my lap and began to clutch his arms to his sides. I lifted my hand to his cheek and hoped to God he felt the electricity that passed into me; to my very being I felt it.   
I didn’t want to let this moment slip by and create a rift between us. I grabbed his hands and kissed them, I grabbed his face and kissed everywhere but his lips, I kissed his arms, the scars that littered his body and soul. Finally I looked at him and kissed his lips with everything I could muster inside of myself. I didn’t want this to be the end of our friendship, only a new chapter of it. I held on to him until he melted into the kiss.   
Tears streaked down both our faces and mixed into the kiss. I felt his smile under my lips on his.   
This was everything I had wanted to say put into a non-verbal sense.   
When we broke apart, Dan began to chuckle.  
“What? What is it?” I asked  
“Your marker, it is kind of streaking down your face.” He said, pointing at me. I joined in laughing as well. Picking up the sharpie, I redrew the whiskers on my face using my phone as a mirror.   
I looked at Dan and couldn’t resist. I placed my hand on his cheek and then drew a pair of whiskers on his face as well. He smiled and I knew my goal in life was to keep that on his face, to see his little dimple. He leaned against the touch of my hand and, as Chris and Peej reentered the room with some snacks, whispered,  
“You’re really amazing Phil.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so, umm don't hate me. i am finally updating and honestly i have no idea why it has taken me this long to do so. at first it was writers block, then i had no time, but i feel like i was just using these as excuses to not write. perhaps the reason was this story is stressing me out, i mean, i had some pretty strong urges while writing this. but i feel as if i should continue, if it gets bad again i will most likely tell you before i stop writing again but i think it will be a pretty okay story. i will have a few more chapters that will be labeled with a warning, but yeah, i think that is it... i am sorry this took so very long, but i hope you all enjoy it

Dan's P.O.V.  
Much of the night is a blur. After Phil kissed me, we all continued on with the game, but no one was actually playing. I was aware of Phil's hand as we were sitting in the small circle, it was cold and had sharp edges, but it was not at all rough as it was laced through my chubby ones. I was resting my head on his shoulder, and he had his head upon mine. Looking at him I wonder how anyone could be so perfect. I remember seeing him and noticing how pale Phil's skin was. It was not a sickly pale, but in fact a beautiful shade that was whiter than snow. His body had clear cut edges that I could spend hours tracing. His Adam's Apple stuck out of his long neck and it took everything in me not to kiss it whenever I felt (we were still at Chris' house, and I did not want to seem rude). His dark, almost black hair created such contrast against his skin, and was just long enough to hide his eyes.  
Oh those eyes! Nothing on this Earth, nor in this galaxy could compare to Phil's eyes. They were such a striking blue and when you looked in them, one could simply just melt.   
But if there is one thing that I may love about Phil-physically, because God his soul!- it would be his lips. They are soft and passionate and wonderful and even if everything is a lie and all of this is just some cosmic joke, his lips make it worth the possible pain. If kissing boys will send me to hell, then Phil's lips against mine is a sin I will shamelessly lust for until I die. There are no words in any language to describe how perfect he is. His kiss burns like fire into my soul, and I never realized how cold I was inside until he kissed me.   
After some time the game reached its inevitable end. Chris and PJ excused themselves and retired up to Chris' room, and watching the glances of longing they gave each other throughout the night, something told me there was more to the friendship than meets the eye, but who am I to judge? Honestly, I just want them to be happy.  
Phil and I were left alone, neither one of us moved at first, we were enjoying the silence and the comfort of each other. But after a few minutes, I could no longer take it. I turned to face him and began kissing him, and he kissed me back. I reached up and began running my fingers through his hair. Our lips moved in sync and so did our bodies. When we stopped kissing, the end position was Phil and I on the floor, Phil leaning against the couch and me on him with one leg on either side of him. His hands were moving up and down my back and I was holding his face in both hands.  
We fell asleep with our arms wrapped around one another.   
When we woke, it was well past noon, but after investigating the house, it seemed no one had woke up yet. The rest of the weekend passed by so quick, I stayed in Phil's room, and when he woke me Monday morning I didn't mind at all because I got to see him and kiss him again. Getting dressed was rather difficult because Phil would pull me back to the bed each time I got up. I moved over to the dresser to grab some jeans when Phil went to change and was startled as I turned around and saw him standing in front of me. I looked up into his eyes and he looked into mine. He was standing in just his jeans, and as I rested my hand on his bare chest, he moved his hand to my hips and moved me closer-if that was even possible- he kissed me on the mouth first, then he moved to the corners and soon enough he was trailing kisses down my neck and I could not stop the moans that came out of me. I felt his smile on my neck,   
"Do you like this?" he mumbled against my skin.  
I couldn't form the words in my mind so I just moaned in pleasure to let him know how I felt.  
I curled my fingers and scratched his chest, but he took no notice. Instead his attention was drawn to me and hard member.   
I felt myself go red as he gave me a smirk that killed me. I think I have an understanding of the phrase, "make my ovaries explode" because damn son.  
Phil kissed my neck and then gave me a quick peck on the lips.  
"Alright, go get ready for school." he whispered into my ear.  
"What? What the hell? You- you what?" I was confused, weren't we getting somewhere??  
"You need to get ready for school." he said, walking to his closet and pulling on some graphic tee.  
"No, I mean, weren't we, you know...?" I tried explaining without actually explaining.  
"Oh," he said, his voice husky and sexy and that stupid fucking smirk that will be the death of me on his lips, "we can finish this later," he said as he kissed my neck. He began sucking on it lightly and when he pulled away he left a small mark on my skin. He didn't say anything, instead he started laughing and I turned to look in the mirror and saw what was so funny.  
"PHILLIP LESTER, YOU DID NOT LEAVE A HICKEY ON MY NECK BEFORE WE WENT TO SCHOOL!"   
He just fell on the floor laughing. I was so furious at him, but when he looked up at me, it all melted away.  
"I am sorry I gave you a hickey, well, only because you are upset, personally I think it is a great mark of my feelings for you."  
I blushed. I was going to get change when I remembered something.  
"Phil?"  
"Hmm?"  
"What am I supposed to do about, erm..." I let the sentence trail on for a sec. He gave me a confused look and you could see when it clicked for him. Standing up, he walked towards me, he leaned down by my ear and whispered,  
"You have two hands don't you?" before kissing me and walking off.   
\---  
After a cold shower and a few choice words to Phil, I convinced him to stay home. I don't know if it was because of the mornings events, or if i was to physically tired to go to school.  
Phil called him mum and told her that I was having a panic attack and should stay home, he mentioned that he was worried about no one watching him so she let him slip out of it as well.  
When he finished the phone call, he flopped onto the bed next to me.   
"What do you want to do today?" he asked, absent-mindedly lacing our fingers together.   
"I was kind of hoping we could just sit together, maybe make-out a bit, you know, normal relationship things."  
"I have a great idea, my mum won't be home till late because she's going out for drinks after work with some of her friends, he could set up a fort in the living room and then watch movies all day."  
We agreed and grabbed all the blankets, all the pillows, and anything else soft and/or comfy and brought it down to the living room where we built the most pathetic fort ever. It fell apart no matter what we did, so we settled on just creating a comfy nest and snuggling.   
It was great, we watched so many movies and I ended up dozing off during a few of them. By three o'clock we received a text from Chris and Peej telling us to "be safe" and "use protection". Phil laughed it off and set his phone down. I smiled and did the same. I sat back down in Phil's arms and he began to place gentle kisses on my forehead.  
They moved from gentle pecks on the forehead to soft kisses on the lips to full blown make-out session in a matter of moments. Phil quickly broke the connection to let me remove his shirt. He moved and adjusted himself on me, and as he slid his hand under my shirt, I realized a problem in this plan. I could not let Phil see my stomach.   
My chest was covered in bruises and cuts and marks that I was so ashamed of, that when I realized where he was going with this, I stopped kissing him and pushed him off of me.   
"Dan?" his voice sounded hurt and I felt terrible, he didn't know he did anything wrong. I mean, for gods sake, I was the one pushing this all day.  
"It's nothing, I'm just cold, that's all." I said covering myself up with a blanket and another lie.  
"Dan, if we were going to far, I will understand. I won't be hurt, just tell me what it is."  
"It's nothing Phil."  
"Dan, did I hurt you?"  
"No! No, it wasn't you, I mean you didn't know and I didn't even think about it or anything even remotely close to the problem that would arise in this type of situation. It's nothing to worry about, I'm just overreacting, which as we know, is nothing new. I'm really sorry I ruined this whole thing." I began mumbling on.  
"You didn't ruin anything, you don't have to be sorry. Was it something to do with your shirt? You stopped kissing me when I moved to touch it."  
I didn't say anything, I just nodded.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't think."  
I shrugged, it wasn't his fault.  
"You know, this may seem stupid or whatever you want to think, but I love you and the marks on your body do not scare me away. They will never scare me away. I will wait as long as you need,"  
I couldn't help the tears the fell. No one has showed me love or any kindness more than this boy sitting next to me, and I am putting him through pain. He loves me, and all I do it hurt him.  
"I love you too." it came out weak and sad, but it came out. I turned to face him once again, and kissed him hard and passionately. I could taste the salt from my tears, but Phil didn't mention it. He just kissed me back and did not stop until I grabbed his hands and moved them to my shirt.  
"Are you sure?"  
I nodded.  
"We can wait."  
I shook my head, no. He was my best friend for so long, if there was someone on this planet I could trust my whole being with, it was him.  
Slowly he moved his hand up my shirt, and began to remove it. When he got it off, I closed my eyes waiting for a gasp or for him to laugh or something, but instead he just layed me down gently and began to place feather light kisses upon each bruise, each scar, each mark upon my body.   
I was so ready for this moment with every fiber of my being.  
Phil lifted my hands, and kissed the scars on my wrists, making sure to show care.   
He returned to my mouth and as his tongue slipped inside, his hand slid down my chest and into my pants. His fingertips were as cold as ice and sent shivers down my spine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. When his hand touched me, all I felt was electricity move between us. I could feel our breathing fall in time and I heard our heart beats beating at the same pace, everything felt right as he laid his body against mine and we two became one.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for how long that was, I pushed all three chapters from the story into one so I could quickly start working on it here.


End file.
